Necessary Endings

I started reading Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud a couple months ago. I purchased the book after realizing I was stuck and if I was going to get unstuck I would need to end some things in order to start other things.

Now, of all the things I thought I was going to need to end, Phreedum was so not on the list. There were relationships, personal and professional, self defeating thoughts and behaviors, that I thought would need to end or drastically change. However, as I read the book (which I highly recommend), looked at where I was in life, and where I wanted to go, I realized that Phreedum as it has been needed to end. Phreedum was not part of the future I knew I wanted and deserved.
And so a few weeks back I made the initial announcemet that Phreedum would be no more effective January 1st, 2013.
As I spent the other evening getting things in order for taxes next year, figuring out what to do with left over inventory, and talking with a few friends who wanted to "make sure" I was sure about discontinuing Phreedum, I cried..
Part of the tears were the ones that come with endings that are difficult. Trust me if you think starting a business is difficult, try making the decision and going through the process of closing one. You wrestle with if you tried enough, if you should try harder, if it was a stupid idea and no one in your life was brave enough to tell you that from the start, or if you're a failure.
But, there were also some happy tears. I had made a decision that was certainly not an easy decision, but one that has phreed me to be more curious, excited, and ready for my future.  I phreed myself to go after the other longings of my heart, like relocating either to the west coast or over seas. I phreed myself to go back to writing more regularly and for various populations through agreeing to write for Bauce magazine. I phreed myself to work on a book. I have always wanted to write a book. When I was in the mentally gifted program in elementary school (nerd alert) my final projects for the year was always in the form of a book I wrote and illustrated. Ending Phreedum has phreed me to begin a new kind of personal freedom, and I am ridiculously antsy with anticipation about all that my new freedom holds.

Endings are necessary, and perhaps that is because without them we don't get the luxury of a life fully begun.

It has been an amazing year readers. Between the incredible entrepreneurs I got to meet and interview, the collaborations with different shops including Kembrel, providing free workshops for women in the community, and blogging, 2012 has been truly an incredible year. And for that, I thank you.

It s my hope that as 2013 you give yourself permission for the things that need ending to end. No matter how tough, uncomfortable, crazy, or scary it seems, my hope is that you let it go. And then, my hope is that you allow yourself to embrace what your future holds. Whether it's going to school for the first time or the third time, asking him or her out after a friendship of several years and being convinced that you could be more than friends (but not friends with benefits, ain't nobody got time for that), taking the necessary steps to buy your first home, taking the necessary steps for your first vacation overseas, taking the necessary steps to become financially independent, forgiving people in your past so you can be emotionally invested in your present relationships, choosing a new career, etc. There is no time like the present to end what needs ending and begin what needs beginning.

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.

-T.S. Elliot

Happy New Year! xxoo